ToesUp, thank you for your kind words. At this point I believe the most important thing for our family is to break the cycle of abuse. Unconditional love is the only way forward. For me it is important that I not let other people's thoughts or behaviors define who I am or change my behavior. Ultimately, that's what got me out of the organization.
Sail Away
JoinedPosts by Sail Away
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47
I'm at a loss at how to get thru to my parents. I fear they will die before they will stop shunning me.
by cognisonance inall i want is this: for us to be a family, to spend time together enjoying life.
i don't wish to debate about their beliefs when together.
they can remain jws for all i care.
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I'm at a loss at how to get thru to my parents. I fear they will die before they will stop shunning me.
by cognisonance inall i want is this: for us to be a family, to spend time together enjoying life.
i don't wish to debate about their beliefs when together.
they can remain jws for all i care.
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Sail Away
I'm sorry you are suffering the consequences of the organization's shunning policies. Sadly, it destroy families. My husband's parents have been shunning him for over 35 years now. They were converts in their early thirties when my husband was five years old, and now they are in their late eighties. My husband was a full-time pioneer, bethelite and ministerial servant who faded.
During the time that our children were growing up my in-laws allowed yearly visits, but we didn't stay in their home. We had to travel over 500 miles to visit, and we stayed in a motel. My MIL used to write me and the children weekly when they were young, but my in-laws never initiated contact with my husband. I was the go between. My in-laws were never grand parents to our children. They kept their distance even though both children were active baptized witnesses.
Now that our children are grown, the "essential family business" only edict is in place. My husband calls his parents whenever there is a significant weather event to check on their well being. Neither of his parents will speak to him for more than five minutes on the telephone. There can be a major blizzard with six feet of snow, and my FIL will say he is busy and has to go. They were so hateful during our last visit, that my husband and I decided that we would not visit again. That was over five years ago. I wish for his sake that my husband would cut off all contact. They still manage to hurt him after all these years.
They shun our disfellowshipped son. They shun our daughter who went to college and lived with her husband before marriage. She is not DF'd and did not DA. I have not exchanged letters with my MIL in over two years as I just can't stand the venom and death threats (you know the ones-- you're going to die at Armageddon if you don't return to Jehovah, etc.) any longer, but two weeks ago I sent a birth notice about their new great grandson. My daughter had a beautiful baby boy. I sent them a card and photos. They have not responded.
My husband and I surmise that my FIL who is a former presiding overseer may have called my former elders and confirmed that I am no longer an active witness and have not attended meetings in over three years. The other possibility is that one of them is ill or has died. They have made it very clear that "communication is not necessary" and that "everything is all set", meaning that my husband is written out of their will (This was done decades ago. The WT will get every penny of a two million dollar estate.), and "the local brothers will handle everything". They told us this during our last visit.
The reason I'm telling you this, cognisonance, is that I'm afraid you may have to accept that things will not change significantly with your parents. Be as kind as you can for as long as you can, but please don't allow them to emotionally abuse you under the guise of love. This is not love.
It would not serve my husband's parents to learn TTATT. They are too old and set in their ways. I left the organization after 42 years in at age 52. It was exceedingly difficult for me even at that age. Sometimes acceptance is the only way through.
Wishing you all the best,
Sail Away
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Counsellor needed please!
by stuckinarut2 inhi all.. i have noticed that many of our forum members have sought professional help from counsellors who deal with ones like us who have broken free from high control groups or "cults".. my self esteem has been rocked by recent events in the cong, and while i know ttatt it still has taken my joy in life away quite a bit.. as you all know, mentally i broke free from the org several years ago, but now that i am trying to start making the physical break, i feel really unsettled and nervous.. i wonder if a good counsellor could assist in helping me clarify and sort my feelings and emotions , and provide help to take practical steps to cut all ties with the org?.
if anyone can provide ideas of good counsellors, it would be appreciated.. thanks everyone!.
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Sail Away
Fringie8 hours ago
Hi Sail away, thanks so much for the link to your article, I found it really helpful. I’ve put it on my favourites list to refer back to regularly.
Xxxoooxxx
Fringie, thanks for posting! It's good to know that my experience can be of help to another struggling Ex-JW. I have received immeasurable help from the Ex-JW community, and it feels good to give back.
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My Day's Long and Arduous Journey
by compound complex inthis, my day's long and arduous journey, is winding down as infinite night gracefully descends and takes me into her welcomed embrace.. i have no reason to fear the inevitable, my transition into a higher and more glorious estate than was allowed me upon this beautiful but angst-filled habitation.. what must be borne with calm, with dignity, with rejoicing, has been prepared for me from earliest times.
its accomplishment requires nothing of me .
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Sail Away
What must be borne with calm, with dignity, with rejoicing, has been prepared for me from earliest times. Its accomplishment requires nothing of me . . .
(((CoCo))), I'm relieved to see you are posting again! May you gain strength each and every day! Thank you so much for your kind words of support toward me concerning my husband and his illness. That you would respond to me when you were struggling with your own health issues speaks volumes as to the kind of man you truly are!
Sometimes it is all about acceptance, isn't it? May you be well and continue to add your beautiful insights and words to this community.
ETA I wish I knew how to do the quotes thingy properly!
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Counsellor needed please!
by stuckinarut2 inhi all.. i have noticed that many of our forum members have sought professional help from counsellors who deal with ones like us who have broken free from high control groups or "cults".. my self esteem has been rocked by recent events in the cong, and while i know ttatt it still has taken my joy in life away quite a bit.. as you all know, mentally i broke free from the org several years ago, but now that i am trying to start making the physical break, i feel really unsettled and nervous.. i wonder if a good counsellor could assist in helping me clarify and sort my feelings and emotions , and provide help to take practical steps to cut all ties with the org?.
if anyone can provide ideas of good counsellors, it would be appreciated.. thanks everyone!.
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Sail Away
Stuckinarut, I was going to share some information about my my healing process from severe, recurrent clinical depression and anxiety which included Dialectical Behavior therapy, Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ACT is a therapy similar to EMDR for Post-traumatic Stress Disorder which eliminates distress from flashbacks; it does work!), mindfulness meditation, tai chi and qigong. I Typed DBT Legitimate Rights into Google. I was very surprised, if not shocked to see that AAWA made available to the public an article that I wrote for them in their early beginnings as a closed group.
Well, since it's out there anyway, here's the link. I hope it helps in some small way. You may be surprised to see that the WT organization takes away every one of our Legitimate Rights!
http://aawa.co/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/AAWA-Recovery-Self-Care-Tips.pdf
I have since been exploring Buddhist Psychology and am seeing a Buddhist therapist. I find his insights profoundly helpful. I will always have PTSD, but I am no longer depressed and am not taking any prescription drugs for anxiety or depression. It can and does get better!
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Site issues: Jan 02 Update (Sign In)
by Simon ini've deployed a fix for people affected by sign-in issues caused by having multiple accounts associated with the same email address.
here's how to activate the fix:.
you must attempt to sign in using the email address associated with your account (not a username) and must have access to that mailbox.. if there are multiple accounts associated with the email address then you will be shown a warning message with the option to have an email sent to repair your account.. the email will contain a link to a page showing all the accounts associated with the same email address and allow you to select the one you want to be active (it will disassociate all the other accounts from the email address).. once you have completed the process then you should be able to sign in as normal.
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Sail Away
Success! Your fix works. Thank you, Simon!
Hope you are feeling better. Happy New Year!
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That's what's missing from our family
by dissonance_resolved intonight as i was putting my son to bed, we were looking out his bedroom window from his bed, down upon the neighbors' house across the street.
they have a beautiful, big sparkly christmas tree in their front window and my son gazed at it and said, "that's what's missing from our family.
" talk about daggers through the heart!.
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Sail Away
"Now I think he still feels like the rug has been pulled out from under him." dissonance_resolved
Don't underestimate this insight of yours. I felt completely betrayed when my husband walked away from the organization. We had agreed to "raise our kids in The Truth together". We were raised in as well.
Once I left, I felt a need to apologize to my children for raising them in a cult. They said it didn't matter, they knew that everyting I had ever done was out of love. Act from love, it won't steer you wrong. When your kids grow up you may be surprised at the things that really mattered to them-- I certainly was!
Neither one of my kids is particularly into the whole Christmas hoopla, but they very much express the spirit of love and family during the holiday season. Please don't make your hubby choose religion over family by insisting on a tree in your home. That's what the JWs do, and it destroys families. Don't base your decison on the feeling that your kids are being hurt. It is a feeling, not a fact. There are families all over the the world who don't celebrate Christmas, and IMO, it doesn't hurt a child to learn that it's OK to be a little different.
Sail Away
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Merry Pantsmas Everyone!
by Billy the Ex-Bethelite inokay, i posted this in a thread that got locked and buried.
since then i've been really busy and have overdosed on christmas music in the past week.
so, i'm resurrecting this "holy day" holiday that most people will unknowingly be celebrating tomorrow.
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Sail Away
Merry Pantsmas to all you dog lovers out there!
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How Long Have You Been Here?
by minimus in12 years for me and before i actually became a member, i looked at this site (jwd) for a few months..
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Sail Away
Three years, two incarnations.
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Period of time from crack to avalanche
by NeverKnew ini know, people are very different and have different levels of holds to the organization, but i'm insanely curious about how long an exposure to ttatt may marinate before culminating into an action to research further.. from your earliest memory of a planted seed due to an event, challenge from another person, accidental website hit... whatever... (the crack) to the time the ttatt became a reality, (the avalanche), how much time expired?.
i guess we have to remember that everyone here is a success story and that for many, it may be never.. .
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Sail Away
The Truth Shall Set Us FREE! Welcome! What a horror story!
Phizzy - "I have looked back over my life and realize that the 'avalanche' was waiting to happen for decades. The cracks were many, the whole thing was unstable."
Yup. The cognitive dissonance literally nearly killed me—doctrinal issues, questioning the elders, letters to Bethel, injustice to others and to my family were all an avalanche in the making for decades.
Low point— Standing in a hospital bathroom in order to have a private conference call with two elders, pleading with them to show mercy and shepherd their sheep. Asking them to come and console my son and his MIL, because my DIL was fighting for her life, and I simply did not know how to help them. The elders didn’t want to come to the hospital, because my DIL was DF’d. A visit might give the impression that they were not upholding the disfellowshipping decision.
Desperation—The elders were too busy to talk to me during our local KH rebuild. I had to wait nearly 6 months. They thought I was challenging their decision to DF my son. When we finally met, they started to lay out all the WT articles that showed how to view a DF’d family member, including the fact that if we were in Ancient Israel, my son would have been stoned to death, and I wouldn’t be able to talk to him anyway. I was simply looking for emotional support following my son’s suicide attempt.
My last year in:
Doctrinal tipping point—The overlapping generation. My initial reaction, “That’s crap!”
Out-patient hospitalization for severe, recurrent clinical depression and PTSD.
Things came to a head, and something snapped. I could not stand to hear them say my family was going to die at Armageddon one more time. I knew I was NEVER going to shun my son—wasn’t going to happen.
Knew with every fiber of my being that I was in a cult while sitting at the District Convention. Walked away from that convention knowing fully that I was done.
Two weeks later I Goggled “Jehovah’s Witnesses”. It took me two weeks’ time to read and educate myself about TTATT. I knew I had made the right decision.
Sail Away
